Love is All Around Us But You’ll Love Better If You Love Yourself First

Love is one of life’s most powerful forces. It drives our desires, shapes our relationships, and fuels our creativity. Yet, despite its presence in every part of our lives, love remains one of our greatest mysteries. Even the brightest minds in history have struggled with how to truly love—how to experience it fully and offer it unconditionally.

 

 

Why Learning to Love Is a Lifelong Journey

From the moment we’re born, we crave love. We want to give it, receive it, and feel connected to others through it. Whether romantic or platonic, love is essential. It’s the energy that sustains us and the foundation for human connection. But how do we love well? How do we love without expectation or condition?

Start With Loving Yourself

Vietnamese Zen master and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh offers a beautiful answer in his book, How to Love. This concise yet profound guide outlines his philosophy of “interbeing,” which teaches that everything and everyone is interconnected. To love others, he says, we must first learn to love ourselves.
According to Thich Nhat Hanh, real love starts from within. He writes:

“You can’t offer happiness until you have it for yourself.”

He encourages us to create a home inside ourselves by practicing mindfulness, embracing our suffering, and nurturing joy. Only then can we offer genuine love to others.

 

Love Means Understanding

In Buddhism, suffering is a part of life. Thich Nhat Hanh teaches that in order to love truly, we must first understand our own suffering—and then the suffering of others. This awareness helps us cultivate compassion, joy, and equanimity.
He explains:

“To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love. To know how to love someone, we have to understand them. To understand, we need to listen.”

 Mindful listening is at the heart of real love. In today’s world of constant distractions, truly paying attention to someone is a rare and powerful gift. Whether you’re making breakfast, watering the garden, or having a conversation, you can create moments of connection when you bring mindfulness to your actions.

See Yourself in Others: The Power of Interbeing

Thich Nhat Hanh challenges us to look beyond the idea of a separate self. Just as a flower cannot exist without sunlight, water, and soil, we cannot exist without the people and world around us. This concept of interbeing reminds us that:

“Your happiness is not separate from the happiness of others.”

When we embrace this view, we act with more kindness, patience, and understanding. We realize that the person we love is not separate from us—and that their pain, joy, and well-being are connected to our own.

 

Make a Commitment to Self-Love

Loving yourself is not a one-time event—it’s a daily commitment. You must promise to accept your imperfections, grow through challenges, and treat yourself with care. When you do this, you create joy from within and stop looking to others to “complete” you.

This self-generated happiness makes your love for others more genuine, generous, and resilient. It transforms you into an artist of the most beautiful human condition: love.

Start Your Journey at Blue Osa Yoga Retreat and Spa

If you’re ready to deepen your understanding of love and practice mindful self-care, consider a retreat at Blue Osa Yoga Retreat and Spa in Costa Rica. Whether you join a group retreat or choose a personal journey, you’ll be surrounded by peace, beauty, and inspiration.

Looking to take it even further? Join an upcoming Yoga Teacher Training, where you’ll explore the principles of love, mindfulness, and connection in a transformative setting.

 

 

To learn more about Thich Nhat Hanh’s philosophies read Maria Popova’s article on her blog Brainpickings, which was the genesis for this article. You can also purchase his book, How To Love, through her site as well.
 

 

About The Author

ABBY RONNER is a photographer and writer living in Brooklyn. She is a contributing writer for Narratively and VICE’s The Creators Project and her photography has been exhibited in group shows and juried exhibitions in NYC and DC. She has a hound dog named Daisy and spends her days knee-deep in folklore as a Gallery Director at City Lore in NYC. You can see more of her work on her website at abbyronner.com.
Photo via Christopher Haag