When I hear the word peace, what comes to mind is serenity, solitude and silence. I feel a quiet calmness come over me starting from the inside affirming all is well. Peace came from knowing and believing in myself. Honoring who I am, my values, my truth and my path. Trusting that all life, including mine is part of a divine and glorious plan. And yes, this may sound hokey. Yet, this new attitude brought me out of a place of darkness and fruitily.
Own your truth
In order to find peace you must know who you are and what you want. This is not as simple as it seems. From the beginning of our lives we are told who we are and what we want. Before we are old enough to know our own minds, parents, teachers, religious leaders, and other adults have instilled what is right to do, what is right to believe and how to behave. Of course, on the onset this appears to be the correct course. Yet, as we grow and mature it becomes clear that all we are meant to learn is not what we are taught.
I thought if I was happy I would know peace. Happiness I thought was meeting the right person and having a family. When that didn’t work I thought college and finding a good paying job. It felt okay for a while. Yet, this too fell short. did not equal happiness. And I was a long way away from peace. As I slipped deeper and deeper into depression, I began to believe happiness did not really exist. What I learned is that peace does not come from happiness, happiness comes from peace. And peace starts from self. Awareness. Acceptance. Yoga. Yoga. And more yoga which brings about more awareness.
From the head to the heart
Every therapist and every evaluation started the same way. “You are so aware. That is half the battle.” As time went on and I continued to feel bad. I would ask what is the other half? What can you do to help me feel better? First, it is not what you can do and second awareness of the mind is not enough. Awareness needs to move from the head to the heart where it evolves into acceptance.
What will it be?
I was aware something was wrong with the way I lived my life. Acceptance was a different matter altogether. I could not or would not accept that I had choices. I held on to the believe that life and other people’s actions were to blame. My chronic unhappiness lay in the fact I refuse to let go of how others treated me. The real obstacle for my peace and happiness was the fact that I continued to look outside myself for acceptance, acknowledgement and approval.
When anyone would suggest that I could choose a different perception, my insides would knot up in so much resistance I would fly into a rage. Even now I still get an uncomfortable twinge in my gut when someone says, “well that’s your choice.”
It took quite some time but I finally accepted this truth. It was up to me. I could choose to continue along this dead-end road or I could choose a different path. The way I thought and behaved was my choice. I could not change the past and I could not change other people. But I certainly had the capability to choose to put an end to my self-destructive thoughts and attitudes.
Warts and All
One vital element for peace is self-love–self-love is not selfishness or inconsideration of others. Self-love is an awareness and acceptance of all of oneselves. I am at one with myself. When I am at one with myself, I am at peace. And when I am at peace I am able to make choices that not only serve my highest and best, but allow me to serve others with compassion, kindness and love.
In order to achieve self-love I needed to stop struggling with my inner demons. My inability to release past hurts only served to destroy the person I was meant to be. Instead of a woman of compassion, light and love. I became a woman who only saw darkness and ugliness, especially in myself. I was blind to any beauty. I felt no joy. I trusted no one and I had no faith. Yet in the deepest core of me the tiniest of flames refused to be dowsed. Beyond all reason there lie a spark of hope.
My yoga practice moved from a physical focus of the body and poses to aligning the body, breath and mind. This practice of body, breathe, mind alignment awakens the senses. Preparing me to listen, feel and hear what that spark which refused to die was trying to reveal. Creating and channeling peace.
About The Author
K. Kemah Wilson is a blogger and inspirational writer. Originally from Massachusetts in the United States, Kemah travels throughout the states for her inspiration and spiritual growth. Writing for the Blue Osa blog is her first visit outside the U.S.
“People and our individual and collective experiences are where I gather information and ideas for the topics I choose to write,” states Kemah. “My writing gives voice to those experiences.”
Kemah aspires to start her own spiritual blog in the near future. Reaching out to individuals seeking rest and refuge through her writing.